Afraid Of Commitment

Welcome to Afraid of Commitment, if you have been directed here looking for relationship advice or information relating to why your partner appears to be un-committed, please don't leave us on the basis that we are a work life balance information site.

Don't let Fear rule your life

If you are looking for information regarding your committment levels at work you are very very welcome too.

Being afraid of commitment whether it be in relationships or in work is very much focussed on the same thing...that being FEAR.

Please read on, the solutions are very much the same...having an understanding of what is feared will significantly improve your options in dealing with commitment issue.

Resources in dealing with relationship issues and work related issues are available here, so if you are looking for relationship advice please read on, equally if you have work issues, please read on.

A Metaphor In Action

Commitment is a core ingredient in any recipe for change; commitment provides us with the motivation and desire to take action. Taking action is the only way to change, without action we remain the same…and change will not occur.

And let us be honest, now and again we all try to avoid change, we all occasionally shy away from motivating ourselves, primarily because we are afraid of the results. We are equally as afraid of success as we are afraid of failure; both situations however, present us with the opportunity for greatness.

Being afraid of commitment is perhaps more common than you think, it will affect us all at some point in our lives. A well known saying springs to mind here .. "Don't judge a lady until you have walked a mile in her high heels"...or perhaps it was ..."Don't judge a man until you have walked a mile in his boots"

I forget which one it is !?!?...either way the metaphor is still there...before you make any major decisions attempt to view the other persons perspective, you may be surprised at how and why that fear exists...

Having this knowledge of the other point of view may well allow you to resolve your or indeed someone elses commitment issues.

What is the root cause of our fear?

Our brains, and our brains instincts, or to be a little more precise, it is the brain stem, the brain stem is situated at the base of the brain and at the top of the spinal chord. It controls bodily functions and instinctive responses, and is the most primitive part of the brain.

There is an instinctive process our brain uses to provide security; this process is known as the pleasure and pain principle. We attach so much pain to the results of change that we lose sight of pleasure that change can bring. The pleasure and pain principle is very simple…we move towards pleasure but we move away from pain.

This principle is also a very good way of ensuring that we are motivated, and it is a method coaches use to obtain results from their clients, coaches ask the client to attaché pleasure to a goal, therefore ensuring that the client moves towards that goal achievement, pain is also attached to not achieving a goal and again this principle kicks in…we move away from the pain.

How to Obtain Commitment

Use the goal setting process to its fullest potential, attach lots of pleasure to the goal, and add more pain to non achievement of your goals. It is a simple but very effective tool, so if you are afraid of commitment, and by default that can equate to fear of success as well as a fear of failure, write down 10 reasons how achieving this goal will give you pleasure and also write down 10 reasons as to why not achieving this goal will cause you pain.

Applying this simple technique to your goal setting will enhance your chances of achievement greatly.

Knowledge and awareness of what you really want is immensely important, and part of the solution process, when faced with fear of commitment. If you know what you want, and you know why you want it, commitment will surely follow. If you do not know what you want, and you would like a starting point, accept the following challenge…

Write down 50 things that make you happy, no matter how big or small, write them all down..see how long it takes, you may be surprised at just how difficult it is to write 50 things that make you happy..

Now write down 50 things that make you unhappy…how long did that take..30 minutes? 4 hours? 2 days?...The time itself is not that important, the contrast in times between the happy and unhappy list is the key factor here...

We have a lot of things in our lives that make us unhappy, often more than those that make us happy…is it about time we reversed this trend?...We believe that time is here and now...

An Idea in Practice

Commitment issues, whether work related or personal relationship related, are possibly evident as a result of our basic human needs not being met.

The Human Givens Approach is a recently published idea in practice, the founders of the The Human Givens Institute. Joe Griffin and Ivan Tyrell outline our innate basic human needs, and fortunately for us, the innate tools/resources to ensure these needs are being met in a healthy and balanced way.

The Human Givens approach is a core element of all of our coaching services, for more information and to take advantage of the human needs audit, please contact us here at.Work Life Balance Tips

The emotional needs audit is an excellent resource. Whether you carry out the audit as a starting point or if you would like to know a little more about our human needs then please let us know in your request for the emotional needs audit. We will be only too happy to help.